inside

from my poetry weblog, poemAddiction.

remember a few years back when i asked you if i had any passion to live for? when I wanted to swirl around the room and dance and felt my feet stand still like they were built out of lead? i wanted to be moved by the movement of a higher power – the grating of the planets of their planes of existence and feel all creation surge through my veins? and you said i was a wonderful, complex, vibrant person, with this joie di vivre and love for all things creation?

i have spent my days, since, searching, digging through mounds of dirt, like a vole trapped above its claws, pawing away at the secret that lay within me.

so i think i found myself on the way.

i have a hole in me now – i wear threadbare clothes that are so comfortable – you know, the perfect pair of denim jeans, that hug every curve of my body where they need to, and i slip and slide with them and into them, and take them along with me everywhere i go?

my jeans? yeah…they have a hole. I have a hole in my pocket and a hole in my hands and a hole in my heart that i can’t sew back.